well in my humble opinion, apart from Asian Brians story of basrah style new year, there hasn't been quite enough tales of joy/woe from new years, so i'll give you my wee jackanory from the period in question...
new years eve started off slow - being a skint man at the moment i decided to work, so at midday I started bartending at a wedding at some rich dudes mansion in north perth... swimming pool, huge covered verandah, it was pretty schmick. by 8pm i was getting thirsty, so i started getting into the crownies and then the champagne while i was working. Praise the lords! by 10.30pm the boss had decided that we were no longer needed, so we nicked off, two bottles of champers and a few beers pilfered for the 25minute drive back into the city.
a short drunken cycle ride to the salubrious 'Windsor Hotel' and i joined up with my team - Mr Burke, Vomster, Sick Dog, Monkey, St George, the Gullah, Gavotron, Big Ted and the Beetle... we moved on to the 'big man shandies' - half guiness and half smirnoff ice as the in house band (average age 60) played a stunning rendition of white stripes, strokes, powderfinger, ACDC and guns n roses classics! seeing a bunch of pensioners play this stuff was awesome, made all the better by the fact that they were actually jobby hot! after getting thrown out for crowd surfing by the bouncers (a bunch of hardcore bikies known as 'the coffin cheaters' - trust me you don't mess) we somehow got back to Mr Burke's 'Burke Hotel' by sometime or other.... now the big plan for new years day was to go to the Perth Cup - Western Australia's equivalent of the Grand National. We had decided to all go dressed as mexicans with huge sombrero's, and then white shirts with our mexican nicknames printed on the back - 'conquistador', 'mucho del toro', and 'dirty sanchez' being some of the labels. So I get back to Mr Burkes' who had been in charge of the fancy dress, and everyone has white shirts apart from the bastards thought it would be funny to get me a luminous orange effort.. they hadnt even printed my name on the back so i made a complete mess at 3am in the morning with some fabric paint and a stencil. needless to say i looked like and absolute twat.
woken up at 7am on new years day by a phone call from a drunken scottish fool.. i thought it was the man 'jock' lawther, but now it looks like it might have been the bin bag of basrah... all that i can remember is that he was shouting at me 'roberts I'm going to 'nope' you up the arse!'... well after that there was no point in going back to sleep, so after what had only been a 4 hour break, Mr Burke, Vomster and Myself decided that we might as well crack a big woody (translation - get into some cans of woodstock and coke, cheap bourbon and coke pre-mixes). By 8am we had moved onto beers. At this point I took 5 minutes to assess my life, agreed with my brains thoughts that it was incredibly pathetic and disgusting, then opened another tinny.
We donned mexican attire and headed off to Ascot (in perth, not England) for the cup. by 10.30am its already 30deg, theres 40,000 people descending on the race course and more hot chicks than i have ever seen in my entire life. I kind you not I thought that I was going to explode with frustration. A total folly of girls in tiny dresses drinking bubbly, and me in a luminous orange shirt, a sombrero and a noping droopy moustache drawn on in eyeliner pencil. and I'm sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish factory.
As soon as we entered the grounds of the racecourse we instantly became tipping experts, using such well proven techniques like 'thats a nice name' and 'she's an ugly nag'... in the meantime we tried and failed to get on TV, i fell into a paddling pool, found out that my mate Deano had been delivered 29yrs ago by my housemates dad Dr Alan Walley (how random? - apparently he got pulled out a month early because my housemates dad wanted to go on holiday to vietnam). Race 6 was the perth cup, and unbelievably I backed the winner. by this time i was so far gone that I didnt even realise what i had done! when the race was going I was just shouting 'go on the brown horse!' as 14 brown horses ran round the track. then Horse 11 'King Canute' (i chose him because he sounded like Kanoute who plays football) went and won, and I was cursing cos I thought I had backed horse 6, then looked at my ticket and realised that I had won 50bucks, and all of a sudden there were two more bottles of champagne and I was getting into this chick in a white dress and she had black eyeliner moustache all over her face and I woke up in Mr Burkes car with a cut on my leg and then I woke up again and it was today! carnage!! time to go training now, it's 38deg and I am not sunburnt, a more accurate description would be 'scorched'.
HAVE IT! lets hear some more stories. And who got browned? and lord fred you sent me a text with the name of someone but i think you had it on predictive text cos I don't know anyone called 'exam'! any offers to fill in the anonymous person? and why is it so bad (or good?) to get browned? sounds goddam filthy to me you should all be ashamed of yourselves.
streaker - you're a legend.
New Year of Carnage
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The legend live on!
Just been on the MSM to the boy Robert's, what a legend, only the best from the best! Only he gets into situations like these and comes out the other end shining bright to tell the tales, nice one bruv, bruver!
Well boys and girls prepare for Spring Cup 2004 as the old skool return to stir the carnage and get the banter going!
Hope every one had a good new year, lets here the storries, dish the dirt so I have something to read whilst I'm stuck in what was once Sadam's holiday home soon to be McCarthy's golf and country club Basrah!!
Well boys and girls prepare for Spring Cup 2004 as the old skool return to stir the carnage and get the banter going!
Hope every one had a good new year, lets here the storries, dish the dirt so I have something to read whilst I'm stuck in what was once Sadam's holiday home soon to be McCarthy's golf and country club Basrah!!
You can't expect to reach the top without a little climbing!
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Asian - light green
- Posts: 243
- Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2003 8:39 am
- Location: Here there and everywhere but mostly Iraq
only seems to be a mystery to the chepls himself
evryone else knows the truth
and let us not foget the one who met the most browning that night, a round of applause please for mr benjamin rattray...
evryone else knows the truth
and let us not foget the one who met the most browning that night, a round of applause please for mr benjamin rattray...
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samsonite - class clown
- Posts: 1863
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- Location: in the belly of the beast
cheers dover mate noping spot on 2dayz, but woke up on the friday at 10am and had to be at work at12, a noping jobby the bed moment, driving at 100mph up the m1 off mt tits.
she had a right tatoo
she had a right tatoo
EVERY DOG HAS ITS DAY!!!!!
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streaker - yellow
- Posts: 89
- Joined: Fri Nov 07, 2003 8:14 pm
- Location: the republic of YORKSHIRE
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