its not big, and its certainly not clever

[pussyman]

Ricky Gervais has a fish restaurant and this guy goes in and Ricky asks him to choose something out of the fish tank. "Erm, I think i'll go for the Octopus." "The green one with the moustache?" Asks Ricky making sure he gets the right one and he puts his hand in and pulls it out. "Woah this octopus is relaxed, usually they put up a bit of a fight." Ricky then takes it to the kitchen but can't face the slaughter, he calls over Hanz the Dutch dish washer to do the business.

Then sung to the tune of the Fairy liquid advert;
If Hanz that washes dishes is as soft as Gervais,
with the mild green, hairy lipped squid.

[DesignatedDriver]

wow - that is awful.

i mean really bad.

its making me want to cry.

[DesignatedDriver]

an old married couple are sitting in front of the fire, enjoying each others company. they were childhood sweethearts and have been madly in love with each other for since being knee high to a grasshopper.
suddenly the wife jumps out of her seat, walks over to her husband and slaps him, hard, in the face. the force of the blow, knocks the old man out of his chair.
when he regains his composure, he dusts himself off, sits back in his chair and asks:
"What was that for?"
"That was for 50 years of terrible sex!" was the reply.

The old man sits in his chair, contemplating this.

shortly, he jumps out of his chair, walks over to his wife, and slaps her hard in the face. the frail old woman is also knocked out of her chair. when she is able, she picks herself up, and sits back gently in her chair.
"What was that for?" she enquires
"For knowing the difference....."